It’s 7:30 in the morning and I should be heading out the door to work…But I can’t…my legs just won’t let me. I haven’t slept well for several days…hell I haven’t slept well for over a month and I woke up this morning with a headache…I have also been crying at the drop of a hat...
A few months ago… I would have said I was crying for no reason…but I know now that that’s not true…What I do know…is that I am DEPRESSED!!!
Let me really get straight funky with it…right now God is not enough for me… and he KNOWS it…and that is why he gifted people to be Therapist…he heard my cry…and placed me in therapy.
I am tellin’ you this because, I have known for some time that there was something going on inside of me that wanted to be born out me…I could say it in my head…but to truly write it down…and honestly speak it from my mouth…from the depth of my soul…was too much for me…until now…I mean right now…this very moment…to own what I am feeling…not be afraid of me or what anyone else may think or say…
I suffer from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, low self-esteem, unworthiness, anger, hurt, not feeling good enough…and I have been a Rescuer for most of my life…but now… I need to be RESCURED…
Right now I am in a place of HEALING…I am ready... willing and able to take a look at my stuff…no matter how painful it may be… I am willing to feel my gut…see my WHOLE being…take my JOURNEY…understand my STORY….and join my Community of SELF….the unconditional love of who I am…
And on this day Thursday March 31, 2011…I will no longer fake the funk…cause I don’t like how it smells!!!
Thank you Sistah Terrie Williams for sharing your story and for being transparent. It was a Blessing meeting you!!! My Sistah your presence & your book has touched me in a way that is helping me to heal.
For those of you like me...who are dealing with depression...and are looking for answers/resources...please read "Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We're Not Hurting" by Terrie Williams.
Be Blessed on your JOURNEY!
Antoinette Savage
Artist
Best wishes to you. I once wasn't so much depressed as just needing to remember blessings. I made a quilt called "Prayers and Dreams." I wrote individual prayers and dreams onto solid cream color fabric. I got batik fabric and stitched a packet for each individual prayer or dream... about 110+ and sewed each packet shut onto a quilt top. The packets were arranged - and I painted the words "Prayers & Dreams" onto the quilt top, too. Then, had the entire thing quilted. I used to sleep under that quilt. A picture of the quilt is in Carolyn Mazloomi's book "Threads of Faith." Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteI purchased that book but haven't yet read it. I will move it up to the top of my booklist.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this and for your honesty - and for honoring the ancestors!